Determined Not to Love You
by ariana3316
Summary: I had this idea and needed to write it down. Elizabeth Bennet is determined not to love Mr Darcy, especially after the news Lady Catherine departs to her. She will be very OOC in this fanfiction but I really like the idea of an outrageous Elizabeth. Eventually HEA.
1. Chapter 1

The wind brushed past her face, making her entire body tingle with a cool sensation. Her emotions drove her outside, to a cold, misty morning of October. The events of the previous evening infiltrated her memory and thoughts and it drove her to misery and depression.

_Her chest ached, her throat was constricting, and her knees were weak. The wheels in her brain spun so quickly, she was emotionally spiralling out of control. Those words, once spoken, rang in her head, "He is engaged to my daughter! He proposed just last week, now what have you to say?"_

_After a sharp intake of breath, Elizabeth steadied herself. Tears prickled her eyes threatening to flow but she was determined not to cry in the face of her enemy. "If he did then you have no reason to suspect him wanting to associate himself with me. You have said enough, madam, much more than I ever needed to hear from you. I believe it is time for you to leave, GOODNIGHT."_

_All words spoken afterwards were blocked out; she refused to hear anybody else's opinions. She had lost all hope therefore, why must she listen to whomever else wanted to tell her how to live her life? Running up the stairs in an attempt to escape her family, the tears she was holding back poured down her porcelain cheeks like a broken dam. She locked the door to her bedroom and threw herself onto her bed, burying her face in the pillows that soaked up the stream of despair. _

_That night, for the first time, Elizabeth Bennet cried herself to sleep._

Now, Elizabeth had no tears to shed. She had promised to herself that she would recover from her heartache and do something with her life, something other than marry and create a family, something other than obey whatever society says. She did not care for the consequences which were bound to hit her, she was resolute on acting however she wanted, doing whatever she wanted and saying whatever she needed to say. Nothing would stop her, not even Lady Catherine, not Anne De Bourgh (soon to be Anne Darcy) and especially not Fitzwilliam Darcy.

Elizabeth Bennet was going to rebel.


	2. Chapter 2

When Elizabeth returned to Longbourn, there was not the usual chaos that ensued. Instead, she found a peaceful family sitting around the breakfast table, much unlike all other days she would come back from her walks.

"Lizzy, what has been taking you so long? You need to break your fast! Come now child, we all need to impress Mr Bingley, just in case he changes his mind."

The old Elizabeth Bennet would have rolled her eyes and smiled however, since Lizzy vowed to change her feelings and her attitudes, she listened carefully to her mother. She found an underlying sense of insecurity and concern for her daughters, as much as Mrs Bennet tried to hide it with silly comments and cutting remarks, it was still obvious to Lizzy.

She looked at her mother with a strong feeling of love and compassion. Mrs Bennet noticed this and stared back at her.

"What is it, child?"

Elizabeth shook her head and smiled, "Nothing, mama. Nothing at all."

Mrs Bennet shrugged and continued to eat whereas Mr Bennet frowned at his favourite daughter. _This is quite odd; _he said to himself, _what does she know? What was that look in her eyes?_

Elizabeth ignored the frown her father was giving her and picked up a roll of bread, slicing into it smoothly and quickly. _What a day this shall be._

*/*

Later in the day, around afternoon, Kitty spied the two gentlemen, yet again, coming towards Longbourn on horseback.

"Mr Bingley is back! So is his friend!"

Jane glanced towards Lizzy, expecting her to be shocked or in a panic. However, she remained calm with a cool, indifferent facade plastered on her face. _This is not right. She was not like this yesterday...What could Lady Catherine have possibly said to her?_ As soon as she started pondering the possibilities, her fiancé and his friend were at the door. One looked animated and his smile was almost as bright as the sun whereas the other looked concerned and ashamed, but he could not tear his eyes away from Elizabeth.

Of course, she made no move to react to his intense, almost pleading gaze. She continued to listen to her mother lavish praises on her soon to be son-in-law, not giving the slightest glance towards Mr Darcy until he addressed her. She had no choice then.

"How are you, Miss Elizabeth?"

She shifted her gaze but slightly, making herself seem as cold and indifferent as possible. She refused to acknowledge the love in his gaze. If she accepted that, she would accept him and that just simply would not do.

"I am quite well Mr Darcy."

The steel in her voice took Mr Darcy by surprise. She was somehow _different_ to the Elizabeth Bennet he had seen only the previous day. Her eyes were not full of hope; she was not willing to make conversation. What about her conversation with his aunt? What about the fact that she did not turn him down and refuse the possibility of her acceptance of him? _Why the sudden change?_

_Surely, _he thought, _surely, if she was refuse me, if she truly despised me, she would have at least said so to my aunt. What happened between them? What was said?_

"I thought you said you would be returning to town today?"

Elizabeth said in a dangerous tone, a vicious sparkle in her eye as she waited for a reply. Everybody turned to her as she smiled sweetly, yet threateningly. Mary and Kitty noticed her behaviour and looked at each other, both frowning. Their shared glance spoke only one question, _what is wrong with her? _Jane and Mrs Bennet were stunned into silence as they gaped at her.

Mr Bingley was shocked yet kept a calm air as he glanced at his best friend. Then the question hit him as well. _Why is he still here?_ He knew that a Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Darcy's aunt, had visited Netherfield but the reason was unknown to him.

Mr Darcy then realised his presence was no longer wanted. _Elizabeth no longer wants you. _ He glared at her with the arrogant, conceited, famous facade he wore but it did not shake her. She refused to be intimidated.

"Some matters had to be dealt with the estate. I will be travelling back in the next few days."

Elizabeth smirked and nodded. _That is not the real reason, is it Mr Darcy? You and I both know it._

Mr Bingley seemed to regain his senses and gave Darcy a glance as if to say 'shut up'. He then proposed for a walk. "The weather does seem quite delightful and I would dearly love to enjoy it."

Nobody was fooled. Everybody knew his true intentions were to 'talk' to Jane alone but nobody voiced their opinion. The ladies all, except Mrs Bennet, removed from the room to collect their outerwear, leaving the gentlemen waiting at the front door.

Everybody apart from Lizzy paired themselves up, Kitty and Mary being the chaperones of Jane and Mr Bingley. Elizabeth, refusing to walk alongside Mr Darcy, rushed out of doors first, but it seemed that fate was against her and her vow.

"Miss Elizabeth!"

She stopped in her tracks. Turning to face Mr Darcy, she awaited a glare or a reproach. Instead, he offered her his arm.

_What does he mean by this? Why would he...?_

"Please," he spoke softly, then hardened his voice again, "I need to speak with you."

She took his proffered arm. "I cannot imagine about what."

"Do not trifle with me, Miss Bennet. You know exactly about what."

"So do you deny it?"

"Deny what?"

"You are the one trifling with me, sir. Are you denying the fact that you are engaged to your cousin?"

He stopped walking and looked at her in shock but she did not see his face from under the rim of her bonnet. She mistook his silence as a yes and dropped his arm. Tears were prickling her eyes but she paid them no heed.

"So it is true. You are engaged to your cousin and yet you stay to try and hurt me."

"No! That is no-"

"Mr Darcy, I think it is best if you leave. I will not bend to your requirements and I refuse to be wounded by you. I am not your toy and you should not, we _cannot_ continue this...this...acquaintance if that is your intention, to hurt me. Please leave."

"Miss Elizab-"

"Please!"

"Let me explain!"

"Just leave! I cannot be in your company for a moment longer!"

She shouted, eyes flaring with anger and betrayal. He took a step back, chest hurting with a dull ache as the words rung in his head. _You are going to lose her again and this time, you will not get her back. _His conscience was taunting him and laughing at him.

Taking another two-step back, he stared at her with unhidden emotion. "I am very sorry for being such a burden to you. I will no longer bother you with my presence. Goodbye, Miss Elizabeth."

He bowed and nodded towards her as he left her. He had walked away from the one thing that he could have found true, lasting happiness. _You lost her._

*/*

Mr Darcy arrived at Netherfield at full speed, wanting to escape the woman who had inspired in him such tender feelings but then proceeded to tear them to shreds. He threw down his coat on his bed and sat next to the fireplace, drinking excessive amounts of brandy to clear his mind of her and to drown his sorrows. He was torn. He was crushed. He felt as if his heart had been ripped into tiny scraps and fed to the dogs. _She wants nothing to do with me but why does she believe that I am engaged..._

Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. His aunt.

Even in his half-drunken state, he managed to run to his writing desk and pen a final letter to Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He had managed to write almost five pages when he realised that this would be the last time he would ever communicate with her. The same thoughts as he had at Hunsford ran through his mind then but this time he knew he must not see her again._ I will turn insane if I see her again. Siren. Bloody siren._

With these thoughts in mind, he poured his bleeding heart and shattered feelings into the paper, angrily writing until his hand hurt and he had ended his argument. He signed the letter and folded it once the ink was dry. Placing it in an envelope, he hid it in his coat pocket, reminding himself to give it to her tomorrow.

For the first time in almost six years, after both of his parents' funerals, Fitzwilliam Darcy broke down and cried.


End file.
